Don’t get me wrong. I know I haven’t said anything yet, but I want to make sure right from the start that you don’t get me wrong because I’m potentially going to be a little controversial. Ok, here goes…
- I like men and women to have somewhat traditional roles -
There, I’ve said it. Now don’t get me wrong (you remembered you weren’t supposed to get me wrong, right?), I’m not suggesting that all men should go out to work while all women should stay home, or anything like that, not at all. I firmly believe in equality of opportunity, but within that, I feel there is definitely room to acknowledge that men and women are different, and to embrace some of those differences. For instance, I like men to be protective and chivalrous. And around the home I think there are certain jobs that lend themselves more naturally to men (blue jobs), and certain jobs that lend themselves more naturally to women (pink jobs).
Fixing the car = Blue job. Choosing new soft furnishings for the home = Pink job.
Of course there are plenty of women who fix cars, and I have no problem with that, and there are plenty of men who choose new soft furnishings, and I have no pr… well ok, I have a LITTLE problem with men choosing soft furnishings, but as long as it’s someone else’s man and not mine, then that’s fine.
I can do the very basics on a car – checking and topping up the oil, checking and topping up the air in the tyres, checking and topping up the snacks in the glove box. But if my car started to make a funny noise, the first thing I would do is go to my man for help. In the same way as he might come to me for help if he took his cupcakes out of the oven and they hadn’t risen properly…hang on a minute… making cupcakes is a pink job, what’s he doing in my kitchen making cupcakes?! But I digress. Another example; say you were organising a party -
Buying the beer = Blue job. Buying the table decorations = Pink job.
Drinking the beer = Blue job. Telling him to stop drinking the beer = Pink job.
My man isn’t particularly romantic, but he is chivalrous, and I’d choose chivalry over romance any day. On cold and frosty mornings, I will go out to my car to drive to work, and I will find that he has gone out earlier than me and cleaned the ice off my windscreen. I won’t have asked him to do it, he won’t have asked me if I want it done, he’ll have just gone and done it. He’s not suggesting that I’m incapable of doing it, he’s just doing it as a nice gesture, and I really appreciate things like that (and I’m not just mentioning this because he reads this blog, and we’re soon going to be heading back towards frosty mornings, and I want him to remember that this is something he does in case he’s forgotten. Nope, that’s not the reason at all).
The point really is, just because we CAN do something, doesn’t mean we always have to. It’s useful of course for everyone to have a pretty good idea of how to do everything around the home because there may be times where there is nobody to share the workload with and everything has to be done by one person. But within a two-adult household, where there is one of each gender, I feel that there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that some jobs and roles are likely to be more suited to men and some to women.
What’s it like in your house? If you have an adult of each gender, do you slip into traditional roles with pink jobs and blue jobs, or do you consider that to be negative gender stereotyping, and fight it all the way? As I said, I believe in equality of opportunity, but I don’t believe that equality of opportunity negates acknowledgment of gender differences.
I must really do your head in then!!
Haha! Probably best I don’t comment on that Guy!
Vanessa,
Mmmm…. I should have a coffee before answering…
Le Clown
Uh Oh! I’m scared now…
I think we are definitely stereotypical in some senses, but not in others… I’m being confusing, let me explain. There are jobs that I think that we both slot into naturally..
Stereotypical Blue Jobs: Aaron is spider/bug getter out of houser, also ice scraper, lawn cutter, hole digger..
Pink Jobs: Baking/cooking for parties, arranging get togethers (being in charge of the diary mainly), breakfast and lunch maker, umm, I don’t think I do any other ‘pink’ jobs entirely on my own.
However, some of the jobs which I guess some people would call ‘blue’ and ‘pink’ we both do both. For example, we both do the washing (although actually he normally does more), we both do the cooking and washing up. Tidying the house/cleaning we both do. We both take the bins out (whoever gets there first). Choosing furniture/soft furnishings we pick together. Both do the decorating. I’m now running out of stereotypical jobs here… umm, if you give me some I’ll tell you who does them? Haha.
So, I kind of agree and kind of don’t. I do agree with gender equality, but I also like having the feeling that I am looking after my man. I enjoy making his lunch and dinner and having it ready for him. I like slotting into that role, I’m not a ‘career driven’ woman who gets offended if a man tries to do something for me, huffing that I can do it myself.
Yes, I think you’re similar to me by the sound of it. I’m certainly not saying that I think ALL jobs around the house should be separated out as pink or blue jobs, but it’s more about acknowledging that if some more naturally go that way, then that’s fine! Like you say, I like to feel like I’m looking after my man in a fussing/mothering way, but he also likes to feel he is looking after me in a protecting way and by doing any heavy/dirty work that needs doing – and that’s what I like!
Ditto and ditto again.
I note that the wonderful Caitlin Moran has a new book out today Moranthology i think it is called and who knows what she thinks on blue and pink jobs – she had plenty of good thoughts in How to be Woman. I think that the different ways men and women think can be even more powerful if they use them to act together. It makes me furious that women meet glass ceilings in so many places and being able to choose the wallpaper colour really doesn’t cut it. And domestic violence – is it a knock on effect of having a non-equal culture? And what does the Page 3 tits out culture say about our society, or teach our young people?
I know women with children can’t have it all, but not all women have children, or indeed have children of an age that need a lot of attention – so there is scope for plenty of improvement all round. Then again, I’m sure you’re just being provocative (v successfullyl!!). Nicola
Sorry if I wound you up Nicola! I’m not sure that I was really trying to be provocative, but obviously I was lightheartedly tackling a subject that I knew some might not feel lighthearted about! Of course I support equal rights etc. I think the point I was really trying to make was that it’s ok to acknowledge gender differences, without it having to mean that one is better than the other, or more important than the other.
I’m from an older generation and I definitely agree with your position, Vanessa! But I look at it from this point of view: biological differences. One must acknowledge that evolution made two sexes, with different hormones and different natural roles. Women bear the children and nurse them; men father them but can easily shirk the task of nurturing, so it makes sense that they support the child-bearing sex by going out and hunting down the game. Men are physically stronger on average – no denying that. I’m not going to roof my own house or dig up my own sewer line. Now if a woman wants to be a roofer or a ditch-digger and can do the work, I think she should have the right to do it – I’m all for women’s rights. But until a few million years pass and parthenogenesis becomes the norm, women and men are not going to be equal in all aspects.
As for what each sex does in a domestic situation, I would hope a couple could share the work, just as you seem to do, Vanessa. To each what he or she does best!
Yes, I think the main thing is that it should come down to personal choice, and what works for people as individuals and as a couple. I like the fairly traditional roles for myself, although I do go out to work, and I do a fair amount of blue jobs. As I mentioned, I appreciate chivalry, whereas I know women who find it offensive if men open car doors for them and suchlike. Each to their own! At least these days there are more choices for people.
Things are divvied up pretty similarly in my house. I am the designated ice scraper/spider killer. Ellen’s the baker/gardener. Unlike every male I know, however, I have strong opinions about color/furniture choices; so that’s a true partnership.
Excellent, you guys have got it all sorted over at your place then! That must be your creative side that enjoys the colour/furniture decisions.
This is kind of weird, but in our house almost all jobs are blue jobs. Car maintenance? Blue. Killing bugs? Blue. Washing dishes? Blue. Putting laundry away? Blue. Cooking of all meals and packing of lunches? Blue. I could go on, but you get my drift. I fold some of the laundry and sometimes do the dishes. And I go to work. The husband does everything else. I am spoiled rotten, and I know it. GO TEAM BLUE!
I don’t know about Go Team Blue, more like Go Team Sillyliss!
Interesting theme and you have written it in such a likable way! Without coming out as too opinionated. Wish I could do that.
I was raised by a single mother and really, did not get introduced to these classifications of jobs as a child! But I remember my mom complaining about some of the ‘blue jobs’ you mentioned when I was younger. I on the other hand, seem to like bluer jobs, like moving and assembling furniture, fixing electronics at home, getting my hands dirty with grease. Part of this might also be because I’m an engineer by profession. But I see this shift in choice in a lot of my female friends. I suppose the stereotypes are shifting, or better, they are disappearing.
Oh also, I like to choose my beer and don’t know when to stop, much to my dismay :-\
Thank you, I’m glad I write in a likeable way! I was actually raised by a single father from the age of 7, so I didn’t really have the gender specific role models either, my Dad did it all! So it’s funny really that I’ve ended up with these slightly old-fashioned ideas about gender and chores! I must admit though, despite what I said, I’m a beer chooser and drinker too!
Funny post. In my house, pink jobs are definitely pet care, childcare, housecleaning, cooking, decorating for holidays, shoveling driveway (explanation forthcoming), gardening, grocery shopping, catching wild animals/insects/snakes and freeing them (another explanation).
blue jobs are car maintenance, lawnmowing, house maintenance, snowblowing the driveway, taking garbage to dump.
Hubs is terrified of mice and snakes, so if we have a mouse in the house, or he finds a snake in the garage–it is up to me to take care of it. As I don’t kill anything wild, I will capture it and put it out in the woods. This is traditionally a blue job, I think. But in my house, it’s a pink job.
Shoveling driveway should be a blue job, yes? Well, hubs uses the snowblower (which I refuse to use because I am scared of big, loud machines). If the driveway needs clearing before he goes to work, he’ll use the snowblower. If it needs clearing in the middle of day or before he comes home from work, I go out and shovel.
He will vaccuum if he sees I haven’t gotten around to it, but it isn’t to be chivalrous. It’s to prove a point. I’d take chivalrous over self-righteous any day of the week.
Thanks Kate. It sounds like the jobs are all sorted out and allocated well in your house! I say that even if he is only vacuuming to prove a point, at least he’s vacuuming – I’d take it, whatever the reason!
You must get a lot of snow your way then, I can’t imagine anyone in England owning a snow blower!
Kudos to you for raising such a touchy topic. You handled it well. Yes, women and men are different. So are women and women/men and men. We’re all different in other words. Some people are good at some things and not at others. I don’t like to gender stereotype, assuming that just because a person as certain “parts” or doesn’t have certain “parts” that they are “naturally” better at certain things. I just don’t believe it.
I’m a sociologist and studied enough cultures to know that, while every society has a gender-based division of labor and gender-based expectations, those “jobs” and expectations are not the same everywhere. There are cultures where the men are the nurturing sorts and women are responsible for gathering food. Those cultures are not common, but they exist, proving that it’s not hormones that make men and women a certain way. Sure, women everywhere bare children, but they aren’t always the ones to raise the weaned children.
I was raised pretty stereotypically female by a single mom. I’m not handy with power tools, but I take out the garbage and, when I had a lawn to mow, I mowed it. I hate housework and pay someone to do that for me. That “someone” is a woman who needs the money. My guy does the laundry and cooks, but he also loves fixing things himself. He’s handy like that. I do the laundry and cook, too. I quilt, sew and I write. I’m handy like that.
I guess when I spoke of men and women more naturally leaning towards certain tasks, that could be just what has been deemed more natural within the particular society we live in. On the other hand, I don’t believe that there are no genetic/hormonal influences in this type of behaviour. I do think there is something instinctive in men to be the protectors and the providers, but I could be wrong, I haven’t studied it.
Funnily enough, I wasn’t raised stereotypically. From the age of 7 I was raised by my Dad, so I wasn’t confronted by stereotypical gender roles in terms of jobs around the house. My Dad did the housework, and the fixing of stuff. He also taught me some basic things about electrics (he was an electonics engineer), and about painting walls, so you would think really I would lean less towards the “traditional” view of roles and jobs.
See, I guess we all are different!
Thank goodness!
Men and women are different. As sexually reproducing mammals, there are millions of years of evolution behind that fact.
My problem comes when some people use “different” to mean one is superior to the other. But not all men are alike and not all women are alike, either. We should all be able to do things we are most comfortable doing and good at without being ridiculed/ostracized/condemned.
Hubs and I will take turns with most chores or do them together, but I’m better at some and he’s better about others. I’m lucky not to have any complaints there!
Yes that’s right, it’s different but equal.
A lot of people who have commented seem to have the chore sharing all sorted out at home which is good to hear!
I really liked the humor, here. Yes, there is an issue of gender (in)equality that we shouldn’t forget, and, yes, many jobs can (and should) be done by both or either man or woman. But I chuckled all the way through this, reminded of the back-and-forth my husband and I go through for many of these “pink” and “blue” jobs. (Loved the beer-drinking one, in particular!)
I’ll probably annoy a lot of feminists with this comment (and I’m going a bit off-topic), but I think some people can take the issue of gender inequality a bit too far. I don’t see anything wrong with a woman being a woman, and a man being a man. I love doing a lot of pink things, and I love that my man does a lot of blue things. In fact, I think I’ve enjoyed being a woman more since I’ve found a man I love and trust.
Sorry about that tangent. I really enjoyed this post. It made me laugh, and made me appreciate my husband doing the dishes right now.
Thanks Mauymi, I’m glad you liked the humour, I generally try and keep things lighthearted where I can!
I don’t think your comment was off-topic, it’s very much in line with what I was saying, I think that’s part of the problem, people are now afraid at times to slip into gender roles because they think it goes against equality, but to try and pretend we are all the same is just ridiculous!
Wonderful post. Stereotyping is passe but that’s only one woman’s opinion–mine.
These days couples should make up any rules they like–whatever works for them. Chivalry is not dead. What makes it possible is respecting each other’s capabilities and shortcoming by willingly complementing each other. I see my daughter’s generation has loosened up and rearranged the the pink and blue jobs. Sounds win / win to me. In my day, men were burdened with all the responsibility.Today that responsibility is better shared (the younger generation saw to that, the thirty-somethings).
Read an interesting book recently which gives an inside look on how men are afraid to fail. I found it interesting; you may or may not: Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent.
Yes, we are lucky these days, in the western world at least, that we can make choices. Not so many years ago, most girls at school were told that their only choices were between being a secretary, a nurse, or a homemaker (in the UK anyway, I don’t know about the US).
Thanks for the book recommendation, it does sound interesting, I’ll check it out.
I love this post. I’m a rather traditional woman, thought I think the word traditional has come to mean something demeaning which is a shame. I work in a male dominated profession and fight against an “old boys club” so when I say that I, like you, enjoy feeling like a woman, it can be seen as a weakness. It’s very hard to explain and often when I try to I get my foot in my mouth and one side or the other takes offence. What’s good for me isn’t good for everyone. I like the role of the man to be – well- manly. I want to know I’m safe, that he has the ability to stand up for himself and me if need be. I like to know he’s on my side. That he can change a globe “bulb” and a washer. I love having a door held open for me and it doesn’t make me feel less when it happens. It doesn’t take away my worth or my intelligence to want to feel cared about by a man. I like a man that looks like a man.
Thank you Kate, I love your comment. You have exactly summarised how I feel. Wanting to have a career, and be an equal, doesn’t negate wanting some of the traditional roles, which as you say, comes with negative connotations these days. It’s funny because when I was writing this post, I was slightly anxious about what type of reaction it might get, and when I thought through some of my regular commenters, I kind of knew you would feel the same way!
I love that about blogging. We get to know each other well. It’s a difficult subject to talk about, and you’ve doing it sensitively. Your man clearing the ice off your windscreen is a beautiful thing. That’s love.
Thank you. Yes, I love the ice thing! Mostly I love that he just does it without saying anything about it
I don’t believe men and women are the same either. And romance tops chivalry everyday. Say, if you know how to change the oil on a car, you can come over anytime you like. And then afterwards….
I don’t actually know how to change the oil on a car, just how to check the level and top it up a bit if it has gone done. Can I come over anyway?
Sure. I’m sure you will be able to help my car, and me too.
Yes, I could top up your levels too (I’m not even sure what I mean by that!).
I’m not sure either, but it sounds good.
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Like everyone else, I loved this post, and don’t think it’s nearly as controversial as you feared! One of the things that struck me was the comments by the sociologist and yours too, about how related our perceptions are to the (western) society we live in. My perception is that in many other societies, however, all jobs are pink. I like ours better.
Since so many men are as good or better than many women. And in fact, the most famous chefs are almost always men. Try to name one woman except Julia Child. I just finished an autobiography of the chef Marcus Samuelsson, who is just this amazing person. And one of his missions had been to “integrate” his kitchens with people of color and women.
Since I’m a woman who lives alone and has for umpty-gazillion years, all jobs are mine, except the ones I don’t know how to do. The downside there is that means I have to hire and pay someone to do the blue jobs (mowing the lawn–which I could do but choose not to–and fixing the car–which I couldn’t do even if I wanted to). And the reason I can’t fix the car is that…no one ever taught me how. But the more telling admission is that if they had tried, I would not have been interested. So how to explain that? Am I just a pink person? I don’t know.
Finally, I think cooking is more like a purple job
I’m in two minds about the chef issue – someone once commented to me that they thought the only reason most of the top chefs are men is because men muscle their way to the top of most professions. Like hairdressers, go into most salons and the majority will be women, but the top famous ones are men. So with both those professions as examples, I just don’t know whether it is greater talent or just greater ability/opportunity to get to the top!
Indeed…muscling your way in is probably the real reason. And from what I understand from Samuelsson’s book, kitchens are pretty rough places, with a lot of bravado, very tough and unforgiving language, and outright violence in some cases. (And they have knives!) It’s not an environment I think most women would be comfortable in, nor do they think they should have to put up with it. When you think about it, Julia Child was never a restaurant chef. I realize this is stereotyping, but men seem to turn everything into a competition and women want to be competent above all.
After so many years of marriage, it’s tough not to fall into traditional roles, especially if the couple has kids. My husband and I each have our traditional roles but then we also have our non-tradtional roles. For example, he takes care of the cars and the yard, while I cook the meals and such. On the other hand, he does all the laundry (says I don’t do it the ‘right way,’ which is quite likely my intent to get him to keep doing it
), and I am responsible for all the tech stuff in our home. And I’m a major remote hog.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I appreciate it!
Well it sounds like you guys have a bit of a split of the pink jobs and blue jobs, both doing some of each. I don’t want to keep reinforcing the gender stuff, but I think that’s unusual that he tells you you don’t do the laundry the right way, haha! My man is very good at folding laundry, if there’s any clean laundry knocking around, he has to fold it right away – I think it’s because he went to boarding school where they had to be very neat and tidy with their things.
Perhaps I can send my kids there? One need only peek inside their dresser drawers to see why the folding-laundry skill would be nice.
At first I thought you meant you were going to send them here to observe my partner’s laundry folding skills, but I’m guessing you mean boarding school!
Yes, I meant the boarding school. But, you know, whatever gets the job done…
Blue jobs in our place: gardening, shopping in real shops, driving (I can’t drive, so that’s just as well or we’d end up in a ditch if we even ever got out of the driveway in one piece), looking in the loft to check for dead things (don’t ask, and no, none of them have only two legs and no tails), removing the remains of spiders that have one or more legs missing through a nearly but not quite fatal accident, doing things on ladders.
Pink jobs in our place: shopping online, taking six and eight legged creatures outside to rehome them (of course they come back in again, but that’s neither here nor there. Well, actually, it starts off as ‘here’ and then becomes ‘there’ and if we’re unlucky, becomes ‘here’ again) apart from very unlucky flies that are first sworn at with language that would make a sailor blush and then offed with extreme prejudice. Other pink jobs (actually, could I call this lilac jobs? Pink makes me think of Barbie that sort of plasticky pink and I was never a Barbie girl) are cooking breakfast – apart from days when I can’t be arsed to do it – and, um… er…
We share a lot here. We alternate cooking – he does it one night, I do it the other, unless one of us is ill then we take over the unhappy specimen’s cooking til the unhappy specimen is well again.
This sentence made me hit the ‘follow’ button:
Drinking the beer = Blue job. Telling him to stop drinking the beer = Pink job.
Though here it’s mostly telling him to stop overdoing things. Like the gardening, the shopping in real shops, the stuff he does up ladders, etc, etc.
Thank you, a funny and detailed response! Always good to know what makes people hit the follow button too
A great post! I disagree with the beer. I could buy it quite happily and make some good choices. I’d also drink – very happily!
Yes, in reality I buy and drink the beer too!