The 6 worst (non-serious) things that can happen to you

Words saying Vanessa's list of bad stuff

In no particular order:

1) Finding a hair in your food – You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who is not completely repulsed at finding a hair in their food. Worst of all is if the hair makes it into your mouth before you notice it (you’re contorting your face now just reading this aren’t you?). It’s only marginally less repulsive when it’s one of your own.

2) Having a wasp or bee inside your house – I don’t know what it’s like in your house, but in our house there is panic if a wasp or bee flies in. There are screams, lots of running about, doors and windows being flung open, there are cries of “Squash it!”, followed by other cries of “No, don’t squash it!”. There are warning shouts of not making it angry, and straws are drawn for who will be the one to try and capture it in a tub and release it. The relief when it finally leaves is measurable.

3) Getting unfriended on Facebook – If you know you’ve fallen out with the person, then you might understand the unfriending. But it’s the confusion and shock when you realise that somebody you have done nothing to (as far as you’re aware) has unfriended you. You suddenly realise that you haven’t seen any status updates from someone for a while, so you look in your friends list, and sure enough, they are no longer there. You wonder if maybe they have left Facebook, so you search them out, but no, they are still there with their 327 friends. Why? Why?! You contemplate sending them a message to ask why; perhaps it was a terrible mistake and they didn’t mean to unfriend you, but you don’t want to look desperate, so you leave it. Didn’t want to be their stupid friend anyway.

4) Going to pay for something in a shop and having your card declined – The shame of it! “But I know I have enough money in there!” you protest pointlessly, as if the sales assistant is going to say “Oh well if you know you have enough in there then it’s fine, you go ahead and take the goods, no problem”.

5) Stepping in doggy doo doo – I know, giving it a cute name like ‘doo doo’ doesn’t make it any better does it. Be honest now, have you ever done what I’ve done and thrown away a pair or shoes rather than have to clean it off? (They were old shoes anyway, honest).

6) Getting cramp – The agony! Waking up in the middle of the night screaming because you have been gripped by a calf muscle cramp. Or that funny one in your foot that makes your toes stick out at strange angles; you would laugh if it wasn’t so painful.

Any more to add to the list?

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51 responses to “The 6 worst (non-serious) things that can happen to you

  1. Stepping in doggy doo doo is pretty bad, almost as bad as having a bird poop directly onto your head.

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  2. What about when you are at a party where you don’t really know anyone, and it’s been a difficult, lonely evening. Then, wow, someone asks you a question. They want to talk to you! It’s only when you start to answer the question that they actually pay you any attention, and suddenly say, “Oh, sorry, I thought you were somebody else.” And they walk away.
    Now that’s pretty bad, isn’t it? What? It’s never happened to you? Or anybody else here?
    Well, you know, um, me neither. I was talking hypothetically, of course.

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  3. That is good list. I’m not on facebook (yet) but unfollowers of your blog can feel the same.

    A friend of mine was visiting a block of flats and felt the first spots of rain. When she looked up she could see that it wasn’t raining. Someone was having a pee over the edge of their balcony. I can’t believe she told us, but there you go πŸ™‚

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  4. Walking around Soho Square giving a girl on the opposite pavement the glad eye. And a pigeon does the biggest crap ever on your head!

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  5. More? Aren’t these six bad enough? i love the photo of you Vanessa.

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  6. Running out of wine. Er, I mean milk.

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  7. Oh, there’s plenty to add to the list, but number four strikes a cord. It just happened to me yesterday. I try one debit card and the clerk says “It says to pick up the card.” I say, “You’re not having it, they just sent it to me.” They’re going to get a call after I calm down. I try another, which I know has sufficient funds in it and that’s declined. I tell her to try it again. She doesn’t want to because the line is growing behind me. I insist there is plenty of money in the account. This time it works. I feel both relieved and embarrassed, and then miserable…then angry. The people behind me in the line looking down at me like I was trying to commit a crime or something. That feeling in the pit of your stomach trying to figure out where the money may have gone.

    I don’t know if I have ever been “unfriended” on Facebook, and frankly, I don’t care. Wait, I think my own brother unfriended me. Like I said, I don’t care.

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    • I had my card declined a few months ago when I had just filled up a full tank in my car (over here in the UK you pay after filling up rather than before), which is kind of awkward because they can’t really take it back out of your car! I considered flicking my hair away from my face, winking, and saying “Can’t we come to some other arrangement?”, but then decided against it (well it would just be embarrassing if he said no in front of the whole line of people wouldn’t it?). Luckily I was able to phone my partner, and they took his card details over the phone. There was a lot of tutting and huffing from the people waiting though.

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  8. Ohhhhh these are all bad! Especially the card thing… if your MOM is with you. It’s like mom please I promise I’m a good little adult like you want me to be….. hehehe

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  9. In our household, you can substitute wasp/bee with spider and it has much the same effect. Apparently I’m the only one in the house who isn’t terrified of them, even though they’re much easier to dispose of (glass over, paper under, throw out of door). Mind you, I can’t talk. Butterflies give me the screaming heebie-jeebies.

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    • We’re not particularly keen on spiders in our house, but we don’t freak out over them in same way we do with wasps/bees – as you say. they are much easier to catch and remove from the premises. Butterflies eh?

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  10. Ha! I haven’t been unfriended on facebook, but I’ve been unfollowed on Twitter. — which I think is weird. Like you said “Why?” Oh, well… I just unfollow them back. SO THERE! πŸ™‚

    I’m not too fond of the dog poop thing either, although it is not really as bad with my poodle as with my previous dogs. I have her on a better diet, and the poop is smaller and no where near as “icky”

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  11. These are great. I think they all have happened to me. I’ve been unfollowed on Twitter, FB, and my blog (the blog made me the saddest, I think).

    My card has been declined and it was the computer’s error–I swear!!

    I have stepped in dog poo as well as other sources of poo (we’ll leave it there).

    Hair in food is repulsive, I’m gagging now, thank you very much.

    The bee/wasp issue has happened to me, but I don’t generally panic. I save all forms of wildlife, even mice that my cats catch. So, I save the bees, too.

    The foot cramp in the middle of the night is pure agony. The only way to cure it is to step on the cold floor, did you know that? Try it next time your foot seizes up in pain, and think of me, then jump on the floor. πŸ™‚

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  12. Lol, this is a great list! Captures the little awkward kinks in life nicely!

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  13. There is a hideous amount of dog pooh where I live. (Not literally where I live, just within the community.) I live somewhere nice, pretty and I’m horrified by the amount that I have to avoid. My friend gets particularly annoyed when we’re walking in the castle grounds. She just hates seeing pooh that has is dotted about – as if the dog was just dropping it at random intervals!

    I was thinking about doing a pet peeves post, thank you for the further inspiration!

    Yes, the hair thing really weirds me out… ugh!

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  14. I hate when I go to take a shower and realize too late that one of my kids turned down the hot water heater the day before. Brrrrr

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    • Nooo, cold showers! I can’t bear the cold in any form, but cold water is the worst! I’m going to be mentioning showers in my next post actually in the next day or so, watch this space… πŸ˜‰

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  15. Pingback: 5 Daily Simple Pleasures and 2 Weekly Ones | Vanessa-Jane Chapman

  16. Finding the dog doo in your food would also be right up there too, I suppose

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  17. Muscle cramps are temporary contractions of the muscles and they usually appear during physical effort. The sensation is similar to the one you have when you feel a strong, involuntary tightening of the muscle group that you can’t control any more. There are many causes which bring about cramps, but they happen most often because of insufficient warming up before training. Good and correct warming up has two stages: the general one (cardio), for increasing the body temperature (running, cycling, etc.) and the specific one, during which the main joints and groups of muscles which will be involved in training are warmed up. It is enough not to give, from different reasons (rush, superficiality, ignorance), the necessary time or importance to one of these stages, and cramps can become a current phenomenon.’

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