Three tips to stop the kids from eating your chocolate

Chocolate bar

After all the scary spider and alien talk in my last post I thought I’d talk about something a little more pleasant today, chocolate. If you don’t have kids, then you probably don’t realise how tricky it can be for parents to indulge in their favourite naughty snacks when they don’t want the kids to have any. If you’re a parent, you know what I’m talking about. The frantic shoveling of goodies into your mouth while the kids are distracted by something, the secret stash you keep in the car. We have to get sneaky right? Here are my three tips for stopping the kids from eating your chocolate:

1. Find a really good hiding place for it

I’m going to save you the trouble of trying to find your own really good hiding place. After years of failed experimentation, you can take it from me that I have found THE best hiding place for your chocolate. Are you ready for it? It’s inside an empty cereal box, of a variety of cereal that the kids don’t like. You can then safely leave the box in the cupboard next to the rest of the cereal, and they won’t touch it. The added advantage with this is that if you’re bored you can amuse yourself by waving the box at the kids and saying “Are you sure you don’t want any of this?”. It’s such fun, try it.

All Bran

2. Lie to them about what you’re eating

Of course you can only get away with this while they are still young enough to believe every word you say, and you should take advantage of that whenever you can. Try one of these phrases, or come up with one of your own:

“This? No, this isn’t chocolate, this is a brown vegetable bar”.

“Oh no, you wouldn’t like this type of chocolate, it’s very spicy”.

“This is a special chocolate bar that only adults are allowed to eat, you can have some if you want, but if the police find out you could be in trouble”.

3. Teach them about alternatives

Teach your kids that healthy snacks such as nuts, seeds, and apples can be every bit as delicious as chocolate…oh who am I kidding? I don’t even believe that myself. Ok, so it turns out I only had two tips then, but they’re pretty good ones right?

Mars BarGreen and Blacks chocolateCurly Wurly

I know this all might seem very cruel, but remember it is for their own good – you don’t want them eating all that fat and sugar, not when you want it all for yourself anyway.

Happy chocolate eating!

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66 responses to “Three tips to stop the kids from eating your chocolate

  1. mysocalledDutchlife

    Do as I say, not as I do, is a logistical nightmare! 🙂

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  2. A brown vegetable bar! That’s classic. 🙂

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  3. You could hide your stash with the alien.

    Do aliens even like chocolate? I bet Hawking has never pondered that one. And he calls himself a genius.

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  4. Haha, awesome! Vanessa you do make me laugh.

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  5. That is so sleekit (devious!) – lol! 🙂 I was thinking that one of the suggestions might be to lick it…! Lol! Great post, Vanessa! Now I just need tips that will help me to stop eating my own chocolate! 😉

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  6. I use some of these same techniques to keep beer from my husband. The cereal box gets a bit conspicuous when it starts leaking, but it works for a while. 😉

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  7. Vanessa,
    The All-Bran tip is one I will try myself… One of the great things about being a clown is that my kids fear me all the time: Clown Dad, is that you in the closet? Clown Dad, is that you liking my fingers under the bed? Clown Dad, why are you standing in the doorstep with that knife? They rarely touch my candies.
    Le Clown

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  8. Reminds me of the comic strip “Sally Forth” where the situation is reversed. Every year Sally gives her daughter Hillary a chocolate bunny for Easter and every year Sally bites the ears off before Hillary even gets a chance, so Hillary is the one hiding the chocolate from her mother.

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  9. I love both the All Bran and “vegetable bar” suggestions… they are now on my list. I have a Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut bar addiction, and I don’t want my kids to become addicted to, well, anything. I mean, alcohol, drugs, a fruit and nut bar? What’s the difference? It’s still an addiction, right? Maybe I could tell them that they’d have to go to rehab if they get started. Would that be mean?

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    • It’s not mean at all, as they say – all’s fair in love and chocolate protection. Mmm, I like Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut bar too! Although if you’ve got the one that’s made over there, I don’t think it’s proper Cadbury’s, I think it’s made by Hersheys under the Cadbury brand. I seem to remember it tasted a bit different when I was over there. Could be wrong!

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      • I’ve had both, but never side by side. Maybe this calls for a transatlantic taste test? TWO Cadbury Fruit & Nut bars!!!

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        • I’ve not tried them side by side either, but as I grew up with Cadbury’s, I’m very familiar with its taste, so can tell if it’s different – in the same way as most Americans could probably tell if they tried something branded as Hersheys somewhere and it was different. But yes, I’m all for a taste test, just to be sure!

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  10. This is hilarious!! And I don’t even have kids. But it was so vivid that I could see you there, trying not to laugh as you waved the cereal box, or with your mouth full of chocolate, saying, it’s very spicey.
    Thanks for making me giggle. I’m on my own in North Wales at the moment and it’s been raining pretty much since I arrived, so I needed cheering up. The trip to the internet cafe was worth it! 😉

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  11. Finally, a practical use for a box of All Bran. Well done, Vanessa!

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  12. Haha, yes, I am notorious for hiding my stash of favorite foods. My problem isn’t just the kids–hubs will purposely eat my favorite food just to get a rise out of me.

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  13. Love the cereal box idea. So simple yet so brilliant!

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  14. That cereal tip is the best EVER! You are a genius. My teenage chocolate fiends will not steal my chocolate anymore…thanks to you…and All Bran…or Wheaties.

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  15. Who could resist a headline like that? Yes, I too face that dilemma. What’s even harder for me is waiting until the last kid is in bed so I can have ice cream!

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  16. You could hide your chocolate with the alien baby

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  17. Brown vegetable bars are my FAVORITE!

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  18. Not having children, this is not a problem for me. 🙂 But they are helpful hints for keeping the hubs away from some of my goodies….. Mmm, chocolate. Belgian truffles sound absolutely divine just now….

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  19. I used to tell my daughter this is DARK chocolate. Once she tried it, she never wanted to be withing a hundred yards of my stash.

    I love the cereal box and veggie bar tips. Both would work (1) when my daughter was small either of these would have been great and (2) now that my grandkids love chocolate, I have to play it safe. Ha ha. A hilarious subject with serious undertones. *insert hiccups and giggles here*

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  20. Your writing is so interesting. Glad to found your blog.

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  21. I have the best place to hide chocolate from the kids. In fact once they know it’s there they won’t even try to get it: my mouth! Works a treat every time! 😉

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  22. Hehee, i’ll take advantage of my boys’ milk only diet in that case. For as long as I can!

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  23. I love – LOVE – chocolate, and I limit consumption by eating either the kid-size bars or just having a few squares of dark chocolate and sucking them to savour the flavour…. 🙂

    oh and chocolate always tastes better straight from the fridge! 😉

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  24. I have done the latter (lies, lies, lies) but not the former. That is sheer genius. Of course, that would mean I’d have to actually BUY All Bran. But it might be worth it.

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  25. Merely a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great design and style. “Reading well is one of the great pleasures that solitude can afford you.” by Harold Bloom

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