Part two of silly things (and it’s not just me this time)

SatNav

Before I launch into trivial matters, I’d just like to say to everyone affected by the hurricane – please take care, I’m sending you good thoughts.

A couple of weeks ago I told you about some silly things I have done. After posting, I remembered some other things, so here is a part two. I thought it only fair that if I am going to publicly ridicule myself, I should also publicly ridicule my friends too, so this list includes one of those.

1) A few years ago I was staying with a friend who had just bought a new Sat Nav (or GPS if you’re outside the UK and don’t call it Sat Nav). Just before bedtime, she brought it into the living room to show me how it worked, and then forgot to switch it off. I was sleeping on a large inflatable mattress in the living room that night. Shortly after I settled down, the Sat Nav spoke, “Please turn around” it said. In my half asleep state, I thought it was the mattress talking to me, so I turned around. I assumed it must be a highly sophisticated inflatable mattress which assessed your sleeping position, and suggested a better one. For what seemed like the whole rest of the night, every so often, it would pipe up with “Please turn around”, each time waking me up, and each time making me more and more frustrated. I can’t tell you the range of different sleeping positions I tried that night, whilst muttering with increasing anger “There! Is this better?!”.

2) A friend once had cause to send an email to a guy she had had a major crush on for years. The purpose of the email was a practical matter, but she wanted to word it exactly right so that it would leave the door open to possibilities, but without her actually revealing that she liked him. She spent over two hours composing the email. She did things like changed her story about how she had got his email address, she removed punctuation and capital letters to give the impression she had rattled it out in a rush, she put jokes in and then took them out. Each time she saved it to drafts. Finally she was happy and sent it off. Later that day she looked in her sent mail and discovered that she had accidentally sent him every single one of the different versions of the email over the two hour period, instead of just saving them to drafts each time! Oops.

3) Two recent occurrences in my local branch of Marks & Spencer:

a) A few weeks ago I was in the M&S changing rooms trying on a dress. While pulling it over my head, my arm somehow became entangled in the orange emergency cord and I set off the alarm. An assistant had to come and help untangle me, and cancel the alarm.

b) A few days later I was standing in line at M&S to pay for some underwear. A male sales assistant approached me and said “Shall I take those from you?” I must have looked a little concerned because he added “It’s ok, I do work here”. This set me off giggling, and not just a quick giggle, no, one of those embarrassing increasingly hysterical laughs, which carried on the whole time he was serving me, and which I was unable to stop. To his credit, he tried to humour me by joining in with a little chuckle every so often.

I’m not sure if I’m allowed back in Marks & Spencer.

I have more, but this post is long enough already, so it looks like there’ll be a part three (bet you can’t wait).

Be safe out there people.

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44 responses to “Part two of silly things (and it’s not just me this time)

  1. Commenting while I still have power! Fingers crossed it stays on.

    #1 is too funny! I was already laughing my head off by the time I finished reading it. And #2 ranks right up there with everyone’s worst embarrassing kind of nightmare nightmare. For #3—you have emergency cords in your department store dressing rooms? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a thing in the States!

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    • I think that number 2 is one that we could all imagine doing! I’m pretty sure in my younger days I might have easily spent a couple of hours composing an email like that. They have emergency cords in some dressing rooms, usually just those that are equipped for disabled people to use – I usually avoid those dressing rooms for the very reason that I’m always worried I might accidentally pull the cord!

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  2. Your friend is killing me. I don’t know if the story is all in the way you tell it, so if you could give me her email address, full name, and the URL of her blog, I would like to hear her version of the story.

    LOL, I loved all of these.

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    • Ha! I wondered actually when I said “a friend” if anyone might wonder if it’s actually me but that I didn’t want to admit it! Probably not though, I’m generally pretty open about admitting to such things!

      Thank you.

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  3. Hahahahahahaha! I was laughing so hard by the end of #2! Both #1 and #2 were hilarious. Hilarious, I tell you.

    Along the lines of your dressing room alarm story, I zipped myself into a dress one time and couldn’t get it off. Which didn’t seem so bad at first. But it was the middle of the summer, and by the time the THIRD salesperson had come in to try to unzip me (faulty zipper, not too tight, thankfully), I was also sweating from embarrassment. It was awful. It took great courage to enter that store again (months later).

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  4. My favorite is the talking inflatable mattress! I was laughing almost as hard as you were laughing in the underwear story! There are lots of jokes about GPS’s coming to life and talking back to you or deliberately sending you to the wrong location, but this one really happened!
    BTW, thanks for the good wishes about the storm! Since I live in Colorado, I’m in no danger, but, boy, I sure feel for the people in the East!

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    • Thanks Lorinda. Yes, I’ve heard a few GPS stories over the years, but never one quite like what happened to me!

      It seems strange for us all to be carrying on as normal when those on your East Coast have all that to deal with! Nothing we can do though except send them good thoughts.

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      • I remember something about England suffering a devastating and really unusual snowstorm and flood sometime in the last couple of years. I’m afraid global warming and that Gulf Stream shift is catching up with all of us!

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  5. Once I commented on a blog and called a beautiful young woman, Mum. Imagine my embarrassment when I found out that meant mother. HF

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  6. These are fantastic. Keep them coming. Of course, in order to do that, you have to keep doing embarrassing things, but think of the good that will come from it: our enjoyment. 🙂

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  7. The GPS/inflatable mattress story is adorable. While reading your collection of mad moments I was reminded of the time in Oxford Street I put out my hand so I could safely walk hand-in-hand with my toddler. It was quite a while before the guy I’d accidentally grabbed and was hanging on to very firmly asked if he could “have his hand back”. I then had to find my poor lost child! I could hardly see I was laughing so much with the shame of it all… Nicola

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  8. Eagerly looking forward to the next installment. (Your poor friend!!!!) You seem like a really fun person. I’d love to hang out with you for a day.

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  9. Oh my gosh, number two actually made my insides cringe. What happened with the guy??

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    • I know! I can completely imagine the horror she must have felt when she looked at that sentmail folder! Well he never replied to the email, but then several months later she bumped into him somewhere, and she said he was very sweet and just chatted nicely with her, and didn’t mention anything about the email(s).

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  10. This is great stuff. Keep it up.

    It’s like the “I love Lucy Vanessa-Jane Chapman” show.
    I can just see you facing the camera and pursing your lips and an “Eeeek” coming through your mouth.

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    • I just found this comment in my spam folder! It’s no good hiding in there, I’ll find you wherever you are! Muahahaaaa!!!

      I can’t work out what it was about it that made WordPress think it was spam, it’s let you through the gates before…

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  11. I laughed out loud with number 2. I have definitely spent way too long on sly emails to guys. And I am so OCD that I would have worried about sending it accidentally. I was going to ask about the guy’s response, but I see that Beth already asked. I’m glad that he was a gentleman about it. Could have been a lot worse.

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    • Yes, from what she explained to me, the email system she was using had three options – Save, Send, Save & Send. And she kept clicking the ‘Save & Send’ option instead of just ‘Save’! The guy might well have been quite flattered because I guess he would have realised why she had spent so long on the email! She’s also a very beautiful and lovely girl, so if he wasn’t flattered, he should have been!

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  12. I’m so glad you are sharing these. They are funny and remind me that I am not alone in goofing up even the most simple things. 🙂

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  13. They’re all so funny Vanessa. I remember when I first began emailing, I’d ring the person to ask if they’d got the email. It took a while to get out of that. You should send your funnies to ‘That’s Life’ letters page, they pay good money for not so funny as your stories. Look forward to part 3.

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  14. This had me literally LOLing at work at my cubicle in the middle of my otherwise quiet office. Luckily people already assume I’m a bit crazy so I figure it’s just enhanced my reputation. 🙂

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  15. BTW, I managed to get out of the car the other day with the bottom of my skirt somehow tucked partially into the top of my skirt in back, exposing my knickers I think you call them in the UK. A man on the street stopped me and said, “Miss your dress is up in back, yo whole bidness is showing.” LOL So embarassed. I think that qualifies as a silly thing though.

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  16. Vanessa, your blog is rapidly becoming mine and my daughters favorite. No matter how bad the day, how tiring the editing, we can always stop, have some coffee, while reading your posts and laughing hysterically at your antics. Please don’t ever loose that wonderful sense of humor you have. Too many people worry about staying so rigid and dry. Your wonderful! Thx for the laughs, we look forward to your next post.

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  17. Perhaps the men of M&S like to wear women’s underwear.

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  18. The second one made me gasp so loud and cover my face that my husband thought I’d done something awful. I had to read it out to him so he could share my reaction.

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  19. Vanessa, thanks for making me laugh out loud, gasp and then laugh out loud some more! Fantastic! 🙂

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