Four things that make me say “Seriously, how do you do that?”

1) Walk along the street reading a book: I have recently witnessed two people, on separate occasions, walking along the street, at quite a pace I might add, engrossed in reading a novel. How does that work? How can you be engaged with the story, while also being sure you’re walking in the right direction, and not bumping into anybody or stepping in anything unpleasant? Seriously, how do you do that?

2) Take an hour or more to put on make-up: It is not uncommon for some people to spend an hour or more putting on their make-up. If you’re being made-up as a character to go with a costume, fair enough, it can take some time, but standard make-up for day wear, or even an evening out takes me 10 minutes, not even that on some rushed work mornings. I genuinely cannot imagine what somebody actually does to fill an hour when making themselves up. If you’re one of those people who can do that, I ask you, seriously, how do you do that?

3) Work in Lush: For anybody who is not familiar, Lush is a chain of stores selling fresh handmade cosmetics and soaps etc. It’s a fun shop to visit; it’s like a candy store with big slabs of soap and products piled high, all colourful and fruity. The problem is the products are so overpoweringly scented that after just a few minutes inside one of their stores, I start to feel light-headed and queasy, and I’m not one of those overly sensitive types I assure you. I just can’t imagine how people manage to work a whole day in there. If you work in Lush, then seriously, how do you do that?

4) Jump out of a perfectly good plane…more than once: Yep, I did skydiving once and once was enough. Now if you think I’m just including this to show off about how brave I was, you are very much mistaken. I was not in the least bit brave. I was a terrified wuss. The only reason I was able to jump out of the plane at all was because I was strapped to a guy, and he jumped, so I really had no choice. It certainly didn’t enhance my experience when the guy tried to open the parachute and discovered that it hadn’t been packed correctly, so the cords were twisted together and the parachute didn’t open properly. That’s right, I said THE PARACHUTE DIDN’T OPEN PROPERLY!!! The guy managed to somehow pull and wiggle the cords whilst muttering things like “Come on damn it!”, and after what seemed like a lifetime, it opened fully. Have a look at the picture below, yes, that is me and the guy hanging underneath a NOT PROPERLY OPENING PARACHUTE!!! You can see how the cords are twisted. Look at the second picture of us coming in to land and compare how the parachute should look when it’s properly open. So yeah, jumping out of a perfectly good plane…more than once, seriously, how do you do that?

Vanessa with not properly opened parachute

Vanessa and parachute coming in to land

What makes you say “Seriously, how do you do that?”

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70 responses to “Four things that make me say “Seriously, how do you do that?”

  1. 1 – Completely agree, this makes no sense!
    2 – Agree again, takes me 5 mins!
    3 – OMG I AGREE! That shop makes me feel so sick.
    4 – Kind of agree. I’ve also done skydiving, but I would do it again! 🙂

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  2. I’m trying to come up with something, but my mind is still horrified by your skydiving experience. I’m pretty sure my heart would have stopped ticking right there and then. Wonder if the guy you were with is still doing that job.

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    • Well when we got down, the guy who had been taking the photos said to the guy I was with “Whoever packed your parachute should be sacked!” but he said it jokingly and they both laughed, so I assumed that meant that the guy I was with had packed his own parachute (I believe that’s generally what parachutists do!). I actually don’t know whether we were in any real danger at all, or whether that sort of thing happens regularly, I don’t think I wanted to know!

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  3. 1 – I can’t chew gum and walk.
    2 – No matter how much time I put on make up – it wouldn’t help my mug. But I do like natural looking women.
    3 – I have terrible aroma allergies so any store with fragrances is one I walk right past..
    4 – That story was terrifying. I am afraid of heights although I will zip line. Bit once on a zip line there was a vertical jump which I could not do; the guide unexpectedly pushed me off. It was horrible because as I was pushed off, I did not go straight down but swung out and back, hitting my back on the side of a tree. I was bruised for quite a long time.

    Randy

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    • That’s terrible that the guide just pushed you! One of the worst things about the skydive was the lead up to it – when we were in the plane, we knew we had to get to 10,000ft before we jumped (I think it was 10,000, may have been 12,000), and they kept counting us up “We’re now at 3,000ft…we’re now at 4,000ft”, it was horrible, I just wanted them to shut up! I have a video of it as well as photographs.

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  4. 1) It’s an acquired skill of secondary nature of being aware of peripheral view… Also people move out of your way as you walk…

    2) Deodorant – 30 seconds… I’m not sure where the other 59 1/2 minutes go, I get lost in my own eyes sometimes…

    3) How to get high for free 101…

    4) It becomes addictive… The same as driving down a highway with rage… It’s a good stress reliever.

    PS. The blame is and should be solely on the man with the parachute, they all pack their own ‘chutes, any complications is their fault. Still you have more of a chance being killed by a shark / donkey / falling coconut than from skydiving…

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    • Yes, I commented on my reply to Carrie up there ^^^ that I thought they all packed their own parachutes. I suppose I can kind of see how some people could grow to love skydiving, it was the thought of the thrill that led me to want to do it in the first place, but as I said, once was definitely enough for me! I don’t like heights and I somehow thought that this would make it better, but it actually made it worse.

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      • It’s okay, I got a fear of heights and am slightly claustrophobic. I also go rock climbing / abseiling and I love spelunking, so much I use to map caves/old mines for a company. I worked underground in mines for 5 years and now work on the surface (better roster and $$). Yet I’m still scared every damned moment..

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  5. Loved this post! I’ll enumerate, as some of your other commenters have…
    1. Once you’ve stepped in a hole while walking (not reading a novel), keeping full attention on walking seems like a good idea.
    2. Makeup should take under 10 minutes, for sure. I always wonder what else I’m supposed to be doing that might take an hour??
    3. I think we should ban all scented products… I may start a campaign saying they cause cancer or something. Like you, I’m not the overly sensitive type… but when you’re stuck in someone’s house or a store that is wildly scented, it feels like a smelly prison.
    4. I can’t believe your parachute didn’t open right! That would definitely do it for me. I went skydiving when I was younger, too, and the parachute was great, the experience was great… and after I met my husband, he said if I ever went skydiving again, we were through. ; ) He’s terrified that the next time, I might not be so lucky. ; )

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    • I’m glad others are agreeing on the make-up, I too keep wondering if I’m not doing things that I’m supposed to be doing seeing as it’s so quick!

      Well definitely don’t show this post to your husband if there’s any chance you might want to skydive again inthe future!

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  6. Vanessa, you are my hero. 🙂 That skydiving story is awesome!

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    • I think the full reality of it didn’t hit me till afterwards, particularly when I saw the photograph. I’m kind of surprised that the skydiving centre gave me that photograph really, I’d have never known that there was one of that if they’d just given me the others!

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  7. I just read Limebirdkate’s post on NaNoRiMo and I don’t see how people can do that! I can’t write under pressure – I can only write on inspiration and only when I feel like doing it. Being forced to write a given number of words in a given time would achieve nothing except to make me terminally nervous and kill my desire to write at all!
    Re #1 above: In the USA at least it’s smart phones, not books – there have been a number of pictures lately of people walking along texting or fiddling with apps and then they walk into walls or fall into fountains or off curbs.
    And that picture of you with the twisted parachute cords – scary! But what interested me was the background! I take it it’s over the UK somewhere! I love that mosaic pattern! of the fields Over here you would probably get a broad swath of land with few breaks and certainly no wonderful hedgerows!

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    • Ah yes, well I’m doin NaNoWriMo. It’s my first time this year, so I have no idea whether I can do it or not. Time will tell…

      Actually, I have been known to walk along texting now you come to mention it! I find it difficult though, and generally have to stop for a bit to finish off the text! Yes, that’s the Kent countryside below me, it’s pretty typical of the UK from above.

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  8. Vanessa,
    It’s something somewhat related to your first point: walking while texting, or chatting on your iPhone/smart phone. It’s more like a pet peeve, though… I mean, if you weren’t texting, you certainly wouldn’t be blindly walking in a man with clown make-up, right? You’d try to avoid such a man, right? Right?
    Le Clown

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  9. Your prior commentors said it all, but I agree with all of the ones you mentioned. Just reading the one about the hyper-scented stores made my stomach flip-flop.

    I also don’t understand how people can work in slaughterhouses. 😦

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  10. So funny, and I agree with all – even walking past Lush makes me feel sick, I can smell it from the top of the street. As for the skydiving – I did a bungy jump and there is no way I would be able to do that for a second time, unless of course someone were to push me again after I mumble the words: I caaaaan’t.

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    • Everyone seems to be in agreement about Lush, it’s a wonder they manage to stay in business! Whenever I see the shop though, I’m attracted to it because it looks so pretty, I love the way the things are displayed in there, but as soon as I walk in I regret it! No I wouldn’t want to do a bungee jump, not even a first time.

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  11. Glad you survived that parachute jump, the guy must have been worried to death, almost… I have a lot of ‘how do they do that’s’ Nanowrimo is one of them, 2,000 words of sensible writing, I know as I call myself a writer, (better that calling myself someone who wants to be one) but driving yourself to produce a novel in a month is just silly. It’s no no wrimo for me. Also when people walk round in t.shirts in this weather. I’m a wrap up warm woman. Furry boots and coat for me.xx

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    • I’m doing NaNo for the first time this month, I’ll let you know if it was a no no or a yes yes for me at the end of the month! I agree about wrapping up warm, I hate being cold, I have M&S thermals that I wear once it gets cold (sexy eh?), and I take a hot water bottle to bed. I don’t care, I just need to be warm! x

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      • Good luck with nano, I might do it next year. I’d cheat though and plan my 2,000 wd chapters. Only joking. Let us know how it goes. Look forward to reading your book.

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        • Oh you’re allowed to plan ahead of time, just not start the actual writing until 1 November. I critique myself a lot whilst I’m writing, so I’m hoping doing NaNo will free me up from doing that so that I can learn to just write write write, and worry about everything else later!

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  12. I didn’t know LUSH had actual stores. I don’t know anything about anything about makeup. Someone bought me some soap and other stuff from Lush and sent it to me in the mail. I didn’t even know what it was, so she had to tell me what was what. I tried the soap in the bathtub and it clogged the drain. Obviously, I’m doing it wrong… So that stuff is in a smelly box somewhere, ne’er to be opened again…

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  13. Holy crappazolli to the last one! I would only jump if strapped to someone too, and definitely not again after that experience!
    Good stuff.

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  14. Vanessa, you never fail to amuse me! Thanks for that! Our neighbour always has her nose in a book as she walks her dog. Some people have been debating whether or not it’s just for show… lol!

    Kudos on the parachute jump. I would love to do one of this – maybe one day… Maybe even before I’m 30? 😉

    I think I would say ‘how do you do that?’ would be random people’s utterly rude behaviour. Rudeness really pisses me off. I might just do a post about that! 😉

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  15. I can’t walk and read, Vanessa, so I’m with you there. It would probably take me a month to put make up on, so can kind of understand that one. I can smell that shop from miles away, so yes, you’re right on the button here… and there is absolutely no way I could ever jump out of a plane, ever. Even if it was on the ground! What a terrible thing to have to experience – but you did it!

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  16. I can’t see any of those, either. And I would NEVER jump out of a perfectly working airplane! And watch the texting while you walk—we’ve had a number of people seriously injured by oncoming traffic because they walked through red lights.

    I’m all for a ban on excessive scents. I have a sensitive nose, and too much perfume on someone can turn my stomach in a heartbeat.

    And 10 minutes is plenty of time for my makeup routine. 🙂

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    • We’re all very much in agreement here aren’t we! So where are all the people who can walk and read, spend ages on their make-up, enjoy strong fragrances, and will happily jump out of airplanes repeatedly? I guess they’re doing all those things rather than reading my blog! Noted about the texting 😉

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  17. My heart stopped for a moment when you started narrating #4 ! I love Lush! I can work in Lush all day, I think. But they are clearly preferential about hiring cute gay guys at the store in my town. 😛 They are pretty great at what they do too.

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  18. I’ve started looking forward to seeing your name in my email…..i enjoy what you write…..

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  19. Oh–My–God! After reading about #4 and your experience, I am speechless. My brain can’t produce a thought. ReallyOMGOMG.

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    • It’s funny, at the time it didn’t seem like that big of a deal, I guess because the whole experience was so terrifying for me, so it was just all part of that! Also because the parachute guys were laughing about it afterwards (laughing!). It was later on when I thought about it more, and saw the photo that it really sunk in what had happened.

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  20. I don’t do the first two, and would never do the fourth (gasp!) but when I worked at Lush, I was amazed that it was the management at my store that bothered me much more than the fragrances. I would go home and shower and after a night’s sleep realize that I could smell the store in my house. The smells permeated my clothes and even my winter coat and lasted around my house somehow for weeks after I had stopped working there.

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    • I wonder what ever is in those fragrances that permeate so much! I’m not sure of any other stores that have products with such overpowering fragrances. It was probably nice in your house though, presumably in a more dilluted form.

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  21. That sounds terrifying for a first jump, however, he corrected the problem. And you made it down safely. I have friends that work at skydiving centers and they don’t always pack their own chute. In fact, they have designated “packers”, especially at the tandem factories. I would also like to add, they aren’t all perfectly good airplanes. You’re better off jumping & enjoying the view! 😉

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    • I think if I was parachuting regularly, I would want to always pack my own chute rather than trust anyone else! And you’re right actually about the plane, I described it as a perfectly good plane, but part of one of the wings looked like it was being just held in place with some black tape!

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  22. This gave me lots of smiles and chuckles – thanks:-) Hmmm…there are lots, oh, like the people who are walking around right now in the Scottish start of winter in bare legs and mini skirts, like, how do they DO that? And anyone who can juggle just because…actually, I really would like to know how they do that…

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  23. I just interviewed a guy who has jumped out of airplanes thousands of times. And, well, better him than me.

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  24. I think my heart stopped beating when I read about your skydiving experience. I would never voluntarily leap out of a plane for “enjoyment” so no, I can’t figure out why anyone would do it. Ever.

    Same here, I can’t walk and read at the same time, which leads me to my “seriously, how do you do that?” question — how do people drive and text at the same time???

    Makeup? Never more than 10 minutes. I tried spending more time than that, thinking that was the key to a better-looking visage. Nope. I made things worse. A. Lot. Worse.

    Seeing as how I live in the states, I don’t know Lush, but from your description I am already feeling a headache coming on.

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  25. Very genuine post. I love your idea of blogging.

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  26. Good grief! Was there not a back up chute?!

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  27. Hi – I came here from Sue’s recent paragliding in Italy post – and wow – you had some experience with sky diving! yikes – anyhow, enjoyed the other items on your list too – Peace 🙂 ~y.p.

    Liked by 1 person

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