In a minute we’re going to have a laugh together, but first I would like to announce that the winner of the giveaway I ran on my interview with Lorna Lee is… Anne Woodman! Congratulations Anne! You are now the proud owner of a copy of Lorna’s book ‘How Was I Supposed to Know?’ (or you will be the proud owner of it soon). If you didn’t win, but would still like to get your hands on a copy (and who wouldn’t, right?), then the buying details are on this page of Lorna’s blog.
Now, that laugh I promised…I don’t usually do this on my blog, I prefer to write my own stuff, but as an antidote to the slightly melancholy tone of my last post, some simple laughter at other people’s expense is in order. I always laugh at these however many times I read them, and I’m sure even if you’ve seen them before, you too will laugh again. Some mistranslations from around the world…
IN A BUCHAREST HOTEL LOBBY: The elevator is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
IN A PARIS HOTEL: Please leave your values at the front desk.
IN A TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
IN A YUGOSLAVIAN HOTEL: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
ON THE MENU OF A SWISS RESTAURANT: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
IN AN AUSTRIAN HOTEL CATERING TO SKIERS: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
ON THE MENU OF A POLISH HOTEL: Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
IN A HONG KONG SUPERMARKET: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
OUTSIDE A HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
IN A RHODES TAILOR SHOP: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
IN AN EAST AFRICAN NEWSPAPER: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
IN A VIENNA HOTEL: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A SIGN POSTED IN GERMANY’S BLACK FOREST: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
IN A ZURICH HOTEL: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
IN AN ADVERTISEMENT BY A HONG KONG DENTIST: Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
IN A ROME LAUNDRY: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
ADVERTISEMENT FOR DONKEY RIDES IN THAILAND: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
IN THE WINDOW OF A SWEDISH FURRIER: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
IN A SWISS MOUNTAIN INN: Special today – no ice cream.
IN A BANGKOK TEMPLE: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
IN A COPENHAGEN AIRLINE TICKET OFFICE: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
ON THE DOOR OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ROOM: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR: Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN AN ACAPULCO HOTEL: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR USING A JAPANESE HOTEL AIR CONDITIONER: Cooles and Heates – if you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
FROM A BROCHURE OF A CAR RENTAL FIRM IN TOKYO: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
TWO SIGNS FROM A MAJORCAN SHOP ENTRANCE:
– English well talking.
– Here speeching American.
FROM A HOTEL BROCHURE IN ITALY: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
IN A NAIROBI RESTAURANT: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
HOTEL IN GERMANY: It is our intention to pleasure you every day.
HOTEL IN SOUTH KOREA: Choose twin bed or marriage size; we regret no King Kong size.
HOTEL IN ITALY: Suggestive views from every window.
HOTEL IN ITALY: If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter. It is kindly requested from our guests that they avoid dirting and doing rumours in the rooms. Hot and cold water running up and down the stairs.
HOTEL IN THE CANARY ISLANDS: If you telephone for room service you will get the answer you deserve.
HOTEL IN FINLAND: Instructions in case of fire – If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
Have you seen any funny signs on your travels?
Picture credit: Chinese stop sign by Michal Zacharzewski, SXC