Did you hear the one about…

Horse
I once told quite a long joke to an old boyfriend. When I reached the end, he laughed and then told me that he had heard it before. I asked why he hadn’t stopped me if he’d heard it before, and he said “I like to see your face when you get to the punchline and you know you got it right.” Ha!

Telling jokes is quite an art. Aside from just being able to remember them, there’s the timing, the emphasis, the tone, all of those can make or break a joke. Everyone tells jokes now and again, and I think a lot of people can be slotted into certain joke-teller personality types. I’ve gone for a mixture of ‘he’ and ‘she’ in my list here; I can’t claim it’s a completely random choice, I felt drawn in particular directions with them, that’s not to say that both types don’t exist in both the sexes! Look out for these types at a dinner party near you…

Unfunny one-liner guy: He constantly comes out with very unfunny one-liners and jokes, and will chuckle heartily at his offerings. He seems oblivious to the fact that people aren’t amused. Instead he focuses on the one or two people who politely laugh, and accuses the others of having no sense of humour.

The comedy genius:  Not only does he know all the best jokes, but his timing is brilliant. As soon as he starts on a joke, we’re already laughing because we know it’s going to be good.

The “What was it again?” joke teller: She remembers part of the joke, maybe the beginning, maybe the punchline, maybe the general story, never the whole thing; but this doesn’t stop her from trying to stumble her way torturously through it (I think I might be this one quite often!).

The inappropriate joker:  The more sexually-geared or offensive the joke, the better. The problem is, he isn’t very sensitive to his environment and will come out with them at inappropriate times, leaving people feeling awkward and embarrassed. Call me a prude, but there’s a time and place, ya know? Similar to the unfunny one-liner guy, he will be oblivious to what he is doing and will continue to think he is hilarious.

The laugher: She remembers jokes, but find them so funny that she can’t get through telling them because she is laughing so much. We listen in anticipation with big smiles, wanting to join in with the laughter, but not having a clue what she’s saying.

The spoiler – He will ruin other people’s jokes, either by revealing the punchline before the teller has got to it, or by interrupting and correcting him along the way.

Can you think of any other joke-teller types?

And I couldn’t have a post about jokes without telling a couple –

THE ELDERLY MAN
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer asks, “Really? Who is giving a lecture like that at this time of night?”
The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

THE TALKING DOG
A man goes to the circus and asks the proprietor if he wants to buy a talking dog.
“A talking dog!?’ he exclaims, “Show me.”
So the man turns to his dog and says “What’s the opposite of smooth?”
“Rough” says the dog.
“What’s that stuff on the outside of trees called?”
“Bark!”
“And what do you call those big Elizabethan collars?”
“Ruff!”
“Another word for gossip?”
“Yap!”
At this point the circus chap stops him, “I’ve seen enough. You are clearly wasting my time. Get lost!”
As they walk home, the man turns to the dog and says “Well that wasn’t very impressive, was it?”
“It’s your own fault for asking such stupid questions.” replies the dog.

—————————————

Feel free to share any of your best jokes below, just make sure you tell them right ok?

photo credit: cindy47452 via photopin cc

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68 responses to “Did you hear the one about…

  1. Is there a funny one-liner guy?

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  2. Great post topic! I’m like you and forget the story line of the joke…at least I have sense enough not to try telling them anymore. But, I am a great listener to all jokes as I often forget the ones I have been told and each time I hear a joke I can usually be counted on to appreciate its humor. My favorite jokes are delivered by children…the can be so cute when telling them.

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  3. You forgot “The Explainer” – the person who explains the punchline seconds after finishing a joke in case you were apparently too stupid to figure it out for yourself.

    My joke:

    Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says “Can you smell fish?”

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  4. We seem to be on some kind of metaphysical synced up cycle. Just last night I was with my family and we were talking about jokes. I said I knew this really funny joke but I didn’t remember it. It had to do with a priest, a woman and and old guy. Everyone laughed at my complete ineptitude. I guess another type of joke teller is the Teller who is the Joke… 😉

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  5. Yes… Lorna has explained me to a tee… I can not remember a joke to repeat it 5 minutes after hearing it… yet I am normally the loudest to laugh when I catch a good joke…
    when I do try to tell a joke I am what you would call a “botcher” getting the joke all mixed up and delivering the punch line far to early in the retelling… I normally get a good laugh because of this very fact, as I always seem to tell a joke everyone knows, and they all know I’ve botched the whole thing…

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    • It’s funny how most of us have such trouble remembering jokes isn’t it! If something funny happens in my day to day life, I tend to remember that fine, but jokes I generally have to write down if I’m going to have any hope of remembering them!

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  6. I’m a laugher. The anticipation of the ending of the joke gets the better of me sometimes. Oh, for comic timing 🙂

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  7. Sadly, I risk being the “The ‘What was it again?’ joke teller” as well, so I don’t often tell them. Either that or The Laugher. Your categories are perfect. We all know the types. There’s also the type that keeps telling the same joke every time you see him/her. And you just have to sit there politely and listen. Um, this would probably be my sweet husband. 😉

    Loved your jokes and your post!

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  8. Great and fun topic for a post. I’m t.e.r.r.i.b.l.e. at telling jokes so I don’t anymore.

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  9. I’m a “laugher” which is code for “can’t tell a joke properly.”

    Here is one Omawarisan left on my blog the other day.

    A string walks into a bar. The bartender says “we don’t serve your kind in here.” The string goes outside, works himself into a double knot and untwists his ends.
    The string walks back into the bar.The bartender looks him up and down and asks “hey, aren’t you a string.”
    “No”, said the string, “frayed knot.”

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    • I saw that on your blog, in fact, now I think about it, it may have been your post that put the idea in my head to do a post about jokes, I wondered where that idea came from! Anyway, the string joke, I had completely forgotten till I saw it in your post comments, but we used to do that same one, but it involved physical pieces of string – two short pieces of string, and then one piece tied into a knot, and you pick each one up and pretend to be the string talking, so you pick the first one up and say “Hello, I’m a piece of string.”, then you pick the second one up and say “Hello, I’m a piece of string too.” Then you turn that second one towards the knot and say “Are you a piece of string too?” Then you pick up the knot and say “No, I’m a frayed knot.” Ha ha! It’s so funny…well, I guess you had to be there.

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  10. Love it. I’ve totally been the one forgetting part of the joke once I’ve started it, and the laughing my butt off, not being able to finish the joke person. Sigh.

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  11. I know someone who tells a great joke, then forgets the punchline. Here’s a joke for you Vanessa.

    What do you call a man with one eye?
    One eye don’t know.
    (sorry, that’s bad isn’t it)

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  12. I am the person who cannot remember jokes, so I do not bother trying to tell them. I can write funny…sometimes….

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  13. I always forget some part of the joke. I’m much better at listening to others tell them and laughing when they do it well. 🙂

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  14. I’m the forgetter, but I usually don’t ever start a joke for that reason…but wish so bad I could remember the funny joke. My daughter is the laugher. She laughs so hard that I laugh with her. She doesn’t have to tell a joke because she’s so funny just remembering them in her head.

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  15. So, basically you’re saying that women suck at telling jokes… I can’t really deny that as I suck at telling jokes most of the time! (Although I did get a laugh, at the right moment, in my wedding speech!

    I enjoyed those two jokes at the end a little bit too much. 🙂

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    • Well, I don’t like to say it, but overall I think men are better at telling jokes, and are funnier in general. There are of course a few very good female comedians, but there are far more good male ones. We just have to get by on our looks 😉

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  16. To start with, that picture was totally perfect. I’m a lousy joke teller, mainly because I can remember the punch line, but not how to get there, or I can remember how the joke goes, but can’t remember the punch line. Here’s my currently favorite joke:
    Do you know how to catch a polar bear?
    You dig a hole in the ice and line the edges with peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

    I’m laughing right now. Doesn’t take much.

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  17. Hey, I’m glad I made the top of your list! 😉
    I’m a really bad joke teller. In fact I’m probably all of them except #2.

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  18. I avoid joke-tellers. A good joke told by a skilled teller can’t hold a candle to someone with a well crafted amusing anecdote.

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  19. My brother is a great joke teller, but he always tells the bawdy ones when my kids are around. It’s because of him they know all the slang for body parts. 😉

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  20. I am what was it again joke teller. I can’t remember anything but the punchline or even less most of the time. 🙂

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  21. Vanessa, I know I’m the bad joke teller for sure! Usually I can’t remember jokes, and if I tell any they are short. They are usually jokes my kids told me…Ha ha! I can’t think of any at the moment…

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  22. I’m a reactionary comic. Hang out with me at work and I’ll knock your socks off.
    Assuming you wear socks, that is.

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  23. Love the lecture joke …and yes, my first time hearing that one.

    Cheers to Rodney Dangerfield’s one liners!

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  24. This post reminds me of a joke:

    A Rabbi and a Coal Miner walk into a grocery store. The Blonde, er, no, a bartender says to the Bishop, er, no wait, there was something about an Airplane Stewardess…and i meant the Rabbi, not Bishop…Wait, I can’t remember if she was blonde or what. i think the hair color part is important, but she says to the one guy something about her drink having too many olives in it, and then she walks into the express lane with too many items…wait. God I’m butchering this…

    Screw it. I forgot it.

    Guess which guy I am?

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  25. You nailed the types.

    A guy in new in jail. He’s sitting in his cell when a guy a couple doors down shouts out “39!”
    Everybody around laughs.
    Then another guy shouts out “14!”
    Again, everybody laughs.
    He says to his roomie, “What gives?”
    Roomie says “When you’ve been here as long as all of us, you’ve heard all the jokes. We just wrote them all down and now we just call out the number.”
    New guy wants to fit it, so he thinks for a second and shouts out “19!”
    Nothing. Nobody laughs. He turns with a puzzled look to his roommate who shrugs and says “You know how it is. Some guys can tell a joke, some can’t.”

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    • A couple of the commenters here came up with two other types I missed – the explainer who launches into an explanation of the joke as soon as they have uttered the punchline, and the repeater who always tells the same jokes!

      That’s a good joke, my grandmother used to tell that one but I had completely forgotten it, so that brought back nice memories, she loved jokes – I think her one was set in a bar though where the same folk had been drinking for years, rather than a jail.

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  26. Great fun! 🙂 Thanks. Warms me up on a cold day in Cley next the sea! 🙂
    Best regards
    Dina

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  27. and then there’s that cute joke teller of cute jokes…. ha. You are good and cute. Randy

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  28. I don’t wonder why that “old boyfriend” is now just an old boyfriend, after that comment! 😀

    The opposite of the unfunny one-liner teller is the meandering jokester. I’ve a friend who tells these incredibly convoluted, long-winded jokes with lots of backstory, only to have a quite simple punchline. He always makes me laugh – maybe because I just enjoy laughing so much – but the jokes could stand to be edited by a minute or two. 🙂

    I’ve heard some good jokes recently, but they, too, require a fair amount of pre-existing knowledge, too much to transcribe here. Maybe I should pull together a video of them or something. 😀

    Like

  29. Is it possible for my 8-year-old to be all of these at once?

    Like

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