Some Cheap Easy Laughs

Laughing horse

Sometimes we want intelligent humour, and sometimes we just want some cheap easy laughs. Am I right? This came my way again a couple of days ago, I’ve seen them before, you may have too, but they’re still good for a laugh. These are reportedly extracts from actual letters sent to councils in England from their housing tenants:

– Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

– The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

– It’s the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

– Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it was very uncomfortable for us.

– My toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand?

– Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

– He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

– The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

– And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

– I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

– I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.

– I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

– Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

– 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

– I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

– Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

– This is to let you know that our toilet seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

That’s all I’ve got.

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63 responses to “Some Cheap Easy Laughs

  1. Who doesn’t love cheap easy laughs?! These were great! Thank you!

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  2. “And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.”—At least my sons never do THAT…

    These are great, Vanessa. Thanks for a good laugh. You’re right–sometimes cheap and easy is more fun. 🙂

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  3. Haha! *chuckles* I especially like the one about the loo seat 🙂

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  4. Haha! These are great. Seems that some tenants had issues with fractions though.

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  5. Between the picture and the chuckles – this post is a great way to end the blogging day. Thanks

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  6. Oh, I needed that today, Vanessa. Thank you!! I kept laughing louder and louder.

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  7. Oh, Vanessa, I feel just like that horse at the top! I had to go get a tissue to mop the laugh-tears off my face! Next time I have an FB party, I’ll expect you to contribute some of those jokes!

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  8. I first cracked up when I saw the dentally-deprived horse. I had no idea the farther I read, my life would be further endangered. My eyes popped, my chin quivered, I choked as I laughed and laughed and couldn’t stop. Gasp. This is too funny for me. 😀

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  9. I particularly liked the one about the man whose erection was unsightly and dangerous. The poor thing.

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  10. Oh my…tears rolling down my eyes. So good to have a cheap laugh from a friend across the pond. 😆

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  11. We can count on you Vanessa-Jane. You delivered the cheap easy laughs in a respectable get right down to business kinda way. We like that.

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  12. These were brilliant… real extracts.? can some people not see their own mistakes.?? Lucky for us they can’t…

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    • Well of course we can never be 100% sure (or should that be 150%?) whether these things are genuine, but I can certainly believe they could be! We’ve probably all said similarly silly things at one time or another without realising! Good to see you by the way, hope the trip went well, or is going well if you’re still on it.

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      • We had to make an early return due to a car accident, the car and my neck are under repair as I write… so yes I suppose we are back… posted a few posts already…

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        • Oh gosh I hope you’re ok! I’m not managing to visit other blogs as much as normal at the moment with my studies, but I will pop by yours soon (I know you weren’t hinting!)

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          • Not hinting I’m getting reads from all sorts of people I don’t know reading posts I wrote last year… how or why I have no idea… but yes had an accident and that is that have posted a few photos I managed to capture whilst still down there before the forced return… driving a bent car 800 Km is not fun it wasn’t the most pleasant return trip…

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  13. Those were great! I don’t usually laugh aloud, but kept finding myself giggling as I read each one.

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  14. Perfect post to end our networking Vanessa. We too have a problem bathing when the toilet needs unclogging. lol As for the balls…we once had a neighbors son who used to molest the telephone poles that went by the nickname-Splinterdong! Can’t wait to read your next post! LOL

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  15. *roars with laughter*

    These are great! So funny how people don’t realize how what they say can be misinterpreted.

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  16. Great laughs for my day. .. so here’s one for you to ponder…. Tattoos will you wait ….. (I saw this on a billboard … and this one on a sign) … Used cows for sale.

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  17. You just made my week!
    Well done!

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  18. I admit I don’t understand how things work “across the pond,” but do your toilet seats also function as TV antennas?

    ‘Cause that’s just nutty.

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  19. Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for the great laughs today! 😀 From large erections and banging balls to horrendous math abilities—you’ve got to wonder what some people are thinking! 🙂

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  20. Oh jeez, great way to start my day. Thanks for the laughs! I am curious about your toilet system over there though… 😉

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  21. Cheap and easy is often good entertainment. Thanks for improving my attitude today.

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  22. Actually, I bet the landlords had cheap solutions to the horrible balls/toilets/bangingontopmen/wind/dirtypaths. My guess is that said landlord(s) sent the same hunky handsome toilet-plunging/gardening man who uses his awe-inspiring tool.

    And as much as I liked the cheap laughs, I’d love to see a photo of this man and his tool….

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  23. I love grammar jokes like these, Vanessa. You have definitely brought a smile to my face this cold Monday morning! Thank you! 😀

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  24. Haha, amazing! I hadn’t read any of these!

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  25. I hope these are real. I love real bloopers from resumes and insurance claims–things like that. These were great! 🙂

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