Sometimes we want intelligent humour, and sometimes we just want some cheap easy laughs. Am I right? This came my way again a couple of days ago, I’ve seen them before, you may have too, but they’re still good for a laugh. These are reportedly extracts from actual letters sent to councils in England from their housing tenants:
– Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
– The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
– It’s the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
– Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it was very uncomfortable for us.
– My toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand?
– Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
– He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.
– The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
– And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
– I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
– I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.
– I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
– Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
– 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
– I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
– Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
– This is to let you know that our toilet seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.
That’s all I’ve got.