What Constitutes a Hand Cream Emergency?

Handcream

Whilst browsing the backside of my hand cream tube (you know how much I enjoy reading packaging, as demonstrated here and here), I was amused to see a phone number to call “In case of emergency”. This got me wondering what might constitute a hand cream emergency? They can’t be talking about some kind of medical emergency like a severe allergic reaction, because in that instance you would surely seek proper medical attention, not just call a number on the back of the tube right? No, can’t be that, so what can it be? Maybe one of these situations…

1. Your hands are suddenly unusually dry, you reach urgently for the hand cream, only to discover the tube is empty! What do you do? Well you call the emergency number of course, and they will no doubt rush you an emergency supply over, pronto.

2. You do that thing where you accidentally apply too much hand cream and after rubbing your hands together for quite some time, they are still way too greasy to do anything with. What do you do? Do you keep rubbing your hands together for longer? Do you grab a cloth of some kind to wipe the excess off? Or do you decide to spread it further by extending your rubbing zone beyond your hands, right up your arms across your back and down your legs? You can’t possibly make that decision alone, no, you need advice from the hand cream emergency team.

Hand cream emergency lady

See what lovely hands she has? She can help with all your hand cream emergencies.

3. You are distracted while squeezing your tube of hand cream and totally miss your hands, a dollop lands on the carpet, or the couch, or your clothing. Oh no! Can you just rub it in? No, you can’t do that, it’ll stain…won’t it? You’re not sure. Can you grab some tissue and blot it it? That probably won’t be enough…or will it? You think you might have read somewhere about a paste you can make involving baking soda and vinegar…or was it lemon juice and borax? No, white wine! What ARE the ingredients to that hand cream removing paste you read about damn it! You need to act quickly or it will be too late. If only there was an emergency number you could call. Oh, wait.

4. You realise that you’ve spent way too much time thinking about hand cream and may need to reassess your priorities. Who can you talk this crisis through with? Yep, you’ve guessed it.

Any other hand cream emergencies you can think of? Or any other non-emergency emergencies you can think of? Or any other strange things on packaging you’ve spotted to feed my obsession?

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Photo credits:
Top photo of hand cream: Vanessa-Jane Chapman
Call centre lady: FotoDB.de via photopin cc

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80 responses to “What Constitutes a Hand Cream Emergency?

  1. You are hilarious Vanessa. I dare you to call the number with one of these scenarios. It will make a great follow up post.

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  2. Vanessa have you nothing else to do ? Reading hand cream tubes… that would be the last thing I’d do if I had run out of other things… did you try calling that number, you might have won a prize if you had… there is probably some poor person sitting next to the phone every day begging for it to ring, just for someone to talk to… they might even keep you busy for hours poor starved of conversation employee…

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  3. Companies just don’t trust us, do they? This was very funny. I can think of another “emergency”–you mistake the tube of hand cream for shampoo and your hair is stuck to your head. You mistake the tube of handcream for toothpaste and your teeth are smooth as silk but icky tasting… πŸ˜‰

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  4. I’ve never seen an emergency call number for a beauty product. Then again, I’m not sure I ever looked. Maybe it’s there in case we suddenly lose all rational thought and decide to drink the entire container. Of course, if we do that, there are other numbers we should probably call first…

    You always make me laugh, Vanessa!

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    • Yes, that’s the thing isn’t it, if it’s a medical issue, we’d go to a medical practitioner wouldn’t we! Very strange, I’ve never seen the word “emergency” on a beauty product either before and I do read packaging as you know πŸ™‚

      Thanks Carrie!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You apply hand cream and are suddenly faced with having to shake hands with a dignitary–what is the proper social etiquette? Shake hands with slimy fingers? Excuse of “so sorry I just slimed my hands?”

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  6. I want to work for the hand cream emergency hotline.

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  7. What if your hands are so slippery from an over-application of hand cream that you can’t operate your phone to call the emergency hotline???

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Not recommended for facial use. So, it’s Ok for my hands but if I touch my face…OH NO, THE BURNING…THE BURNING!

    OK, sorry. I just find it funny that it would be that specific.

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  9. What if you leave the top off and your pet or child ingests the cream? What if you put it on your feet instead? Skin cream is skin cream after all, isn’t it?

    This is too funny. I’m with Carrie. I thought to call the number just now, but it’s probably in China and who knows how much it will cost to speak to someone in a language I don’t understand. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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    • So many possible emergencies that I hadn’t thought of! Don’t worry though Tess, that number is right here in the UK, so you can feel free to call it knowing that you will understand the person who answers perfectly πŸ™‚

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      • Ha ha ha
        If am still curious about that phone call, if only to share what words of wisdom might be shared.

        News Flash: I haven’t checked but I was SHOCKED when i Googled a face cream in China is available on Amazon. com. but not in my country. I arrived at Amazon by surprise.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. The only serious thing I could think of was if your child ate a tube of the cream and in the emergency room, they wanted to know more about the ingredients or the recommendations from the company. Be sure to take the tube with you when you go for help!
    And if I put on too much lotion, I just wipe it off with a tissue, all the while thinking how I should stop being so wasteful! I did drop a glob of lotion on my suede house slipper and I still have the spot to prove it!

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    • That’s far too sensible a suggestion for this blog Lorinda!

      I always feel it’s wasteful to wipe some off too, so I go for the rubbing it on other places option usually. Suede, oh dear no, if only you’d had the emergency number to hand!

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  11. It’s official. We are doomed. (and then there’s the possibility of being on an airplane with a small tube…security and all…of hand creme when due to being over pressurized, the cap explodes off and hits someone in the eye. You’ll shoot your eye out. You’ll shoot your eye out! Their legal dept is at this moment rewriting the cautions….)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh no, now we’re going into the zone of REAL emergencies! If it was on an airplane though would we still be able to get through to the emergency line do you think? Would the pilot have to radio down and ask someone on the ground to call it? Maybe they could bring this issue into the safety talk at the start of each flight, just to be safe.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I totally understand a hand cream emergency! I have been known to enter places and actually ask, “do you have any hand cream?” (I’m not even joking).
    Although I’m not sure what the phone number is for.

    Can you do shampoo and makeup emergencies next? I have those, too. xoxo

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    • Hi Samara! (See how special you are? You got a “Hi” when none of the other commenters did today!). Maybe the phone number is there for when you go into places and ask if they have any hand cream, and the answer is “no”. That would make sense.

      Shampoo and makeup emergencies? Ok, I’ll see what I can do. I have featured shampoo in one of my previous packaging posts, but not in an emergency context πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Maybe you squeeze the tube and instead of cream a hand comes out. Now that would be something I might call the number for!

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  14. Now this is a classic … and you have me laughing ….. so now I’m curious there is an emergency number on our products in the house.

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  15. Hilarious! πŸ˜€

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  16. You could definitely try #1 and see if they send you a complimentary tube. Extra points for having actually read and rung the number!

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  17. I do think it’s an emergency if a store stops selling your favorite…wait, I mean favourite…product. Help! I just realized I’m out of your Acme hand cream and the store I buy it from has stopped selling it. Where else in my area can I go to get it? As the infomercials say, Operators are standing by.

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    • Oh yes I hate that when you go to buy something you like from the place you always get it from and they don’t have it any more! It’s like “How could you stop selling this without consulting with me about it first?!”

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  18. On the back of every tiny, square packet of hand wipes are instructions. They are, literally, tear open, remove wipe and use. Are people trying to clean their hands with the foil packet without removing the moist towelette? Compliance attorneys gone wild.

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    • Erm…no…haha! Of course I…er…I mean nobody, especially not me…would think that you use the foil packet to wipe your hands with. Hehe…I totally knew what you were supposed to do there…tear open he says…yep that’s what I do!

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  19. Why do I keep straying off on a tangent here?

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  20. I love your sense of humor. Mine is similar, but I’m not as verbal/literate. You make me laugh out loud – and that feels SO good. Hand cream IS an emergency to me. I hate the feeling of dry hands. Oh, I know who would have called the hand cream emergency line: Lady Macbeth!

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  21. Clearly, you have insomnia and a terrific sense of humor. You should rethink your decision to quit stand-up comedy. πŸ˜€

    Here’s one for you: Your son has squirted an enormous glob of hand cream into a mixture containing mouthwash, toothpaste, mirror cleaner, and anything else he can find in the bathroom cabinet. EMERGENCY: Is it safe to dispose of this, er, potion down the sink? the toilet? the landfill? Is it creating noxious gases as you dial the emergency number? Will you need a gas mask to dispose of the potion properly? Or should you just put a lid on it and leave it in the cabinet until it’s reached it’s radioactive half-life?

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  22. I have problems with problems. My problem with problem number one is that I typically keep empty hand cream tubes at the bottom of the recycling bin, beneath broken bottles, flattened cardboard and last week’s Sunday paper. That phone number won’t do me any good there. My problem with problem number two is that it is nearly impossible to dial a phone well with excess hand lotion all over ones digits, which would likely result in dialing a different emergency number altogether. We have both officially spent too much time dwelling on this topic. Should we move on to something else, like the weather or fall fashion?

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    • I have a few problems with your problems there 1p, I would tell you about them, but solving them will necessitate you calling the number on the back of the hand cream tube and you say it’s at the bottom of your recycling bin? Tut tut tut, what are we to do?! Wait…fall fashion? Now you’re talking! πŸ™‚

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  23. After I stopped laughing, I had to run to the bathroom to check for an emergency number on my tube of Aveeno. Alas, while the company provides a contact number, they simply refer to “Questions.” Perhaps Aveeno is not as diligent as Marks & Spencer? Or maybe Aveeno’s Canadian-made product is less likely to trigger an emergency than one made in a certain other country as listed on your tube? πŸ˜‰

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  24. Of all life’s emergencies I choose the one caused by hand lotion…

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  25. I always thought we were supposed to call 911 for emergencies. Does this mean I need to now memorize a separate number for hand cream emergencies?!!

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  26. The problem with situation #2 is your hands are so slippery you can’t hold onto your phone. What to do??? I always find someone else and rub my hands all over their hands. Of course I get some startled looks that way, but it’s really for their own good.

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    • This is very true, you want to phone about your slippery hands, but you can’t because your hands are slippery – it really IS an emergency! I’m going to remember that, rubbing my hands on other hands to get it off, excellent, I can’t imagine anyone objecting to that.

      Like

  27. You nearly caused a major laughing-my-head-off-reading-a-blog-post emergency, as I almost (but not quite) wet myself I laughed so much.
    When I recovered I went to look at the tube of expensive Australian handcream my daughter gave me, to see if it had an emergency number – it didn’t. What it DID have was an ‘inspirational’ quotation: “Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.” T.S. Eliot…….WTF??
    Since when were handcream makers in the business of peddling philosophy? The brand is Aesop, in case you are in need of some deeply thoughtful inspiration.

    Like

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