An SEO Expert Walks into a Bar, Bars, Pub, Tavern…

Cortana and SiriThe SEO joke was told to me by Cortana, it’s not a joke she made up herself, she’s not THAT good, it’s not a new joke either, you may already have heard it in fact.

Before I carry on, I should first say that this post was inspired by one on Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride, she had a quite a scoop, an ACTUAL interview with the ACTUAL real person who provided the voice for the ACTUAL Siri. Oh yes! If you didn’t see it, you must hop on over and read it, but not yet, read my post first, ok?

Well, it got me wondering. There is much fun to be had interacting with Siri or Cortana, but which one of them is funnier? We have both Cortana and Siri in our house so I wanted to find out which one would be funnier if I put them to the test.

I started off by asking Cortana to tell me a joke, and you’ve seen the result of that, so what did Siri come up with when I asked her for a joke?

SIRI: What did one iPhone say to the other…hmm, I used to know this one.

Ok, I’m not sure if it’s a very funny joke that I don’t really get, or if the joke is that Siri can’t remember the joke? Or if she just really can’t remember. I went for another round and asked them each for another joke:

CORTANA: What kind of underwear do clouds wear? Thunderpants.

SIRI: If I told you a joke in my language, I’d have to explain it.

So again, Cortana told an actual joke, whereas Siri didn’t, unless what she said is meant to be funny, in which case, well, humour is in the eye of the beholder, or something like that right?

I tried again, tell me a joke!

CORTANA: Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

SIRI: The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Well that round goes to Siri. Sorry Cortana but it’s really stretching things to call that a joke. Siri, you gave us a chuckle – I have heard that joke before, but that didn’t stop me chuckling again.

I tried for some more jokes, Siri decided she didn’t want to play anymore and kept saying that she didn’t know any jokes, personally I think she just feels that joke telling is beneath her, she has a point. Cortana was happy to oblige though with a couple more…

CORTANA: What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

CORTANA: The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.

Those aren’t bad, but really, I was hoping for more. I then rephrased things, rather than asking for a joke, I said “Tell me something funny.”

CORTANA: What do we want? Time Travel! When do we want it? It’s irrelevant…

SIRI: Siri, get Siri-ous. Ha ha!

Cortana clearly likes time travel humour. Siri, well, I expect she was just being ironic.

Then finally I went in with the ultimate question. I asked Cortana if she was funnier than Siri, and I asked Siri if she was funnier than Cortana…

CORTANA: I suppose the answer’s yes in at least one parallel universe.

SIRI: I’m afraid I can’t answer that.

Sorry Siri, but Cortana’s answer was way better than yours there.

Well there we have it folks. My sophisticated piece of research concludes that overall Cortana wins when it comes to being funnier. Or at least when it comes to being specifically asked to be funny, which is not necessarily the same thing.

Do you use Siri/Cortana or any other similar voice assistant? If so, do you actually use it for useful things, or just for entertainment?


64 responses to “An SEO Expert Walks into a Bar, Bars, Pub, Tavern…

  1. I rarely use Siri, but she’s handy on occasion. The other day I suggested something filthy to her. She said, “How about I search the Internet for inappropriate behavior?”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Is Siri a lady? What’s the name of the fella? – does he have any good jokes?!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. No voice assistants for me. I’m hesitant to believe the GPS voice.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Siri is more of an amusing anecdote person.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I enjoyed this post… but for humour? Who can beat you…??

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Siri refuses to talk to me about anything. Apparently she can’t understand my Canadian accent. What ?! Canadians have accents? Who knew?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is really funny. (But I ignore those little voices…worried they might not be coming from the phone….)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I read Susie’s post. Wow, I can’t believe she had done so much voice work. Impressive. I use Siri especially for directions when we are out of town. She sometimes does not understand what I say and her guesses are pretty hysterical and frustrating all at the same time. She’s made me laugh quite a bit, but she seems to be a lot more businesslike than Cortana.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Great research, Vanessa. I agree, Cortana seemed to have a better game than Siri on this one. Maybe you can volunteer your humor in place of Siri in the near future…huh?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ve not even heard of Cortana. Guess that identifies me as an iPhone user.

    I don’t use Siri for anything practical. Instead, my sons and I just ask her stupid questions (though I haven’t thought to ask for a joke). Her most common answer? “I’m afraid I can’t answer that,” just as you listed near the end. Guess that’s an indication of the types of questions we ask her…

    Funny and original post as always, Vanessa!

    Liked by 1 person

    • In fairness I hadn’t heard of Cortana either until about a month ago when my kids told me that it was on my Windows phone!

      Ah yes, those were the words “I’m afraid I can’t answer that”, you just think- really? With the whole internet at your disposal? Much fun to be had with these gals though, that’s for sure.

      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Hillarious! Love this kind of experimentation. Years ago, when there were still dial phones, after having drunk copious amounts of beer with my buddies, I dialed G-O-D on the phone, wondering who I might get. A very tolerant female operator answered. I remember having a pleasant conversation with her, but I can’t remember what either of us said. Which is regrettable.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. What, in God’s name is Cortana? I’m not kidding. I’ve never heard of it. I am so clueless. This leads to the next bit of anxiety: what ELSE am I unaware of?

    I never type anymore. I use the voice recognition feature. What a relief!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I call my GPS “Hermione” (yes, Harry Potter) and often talk back to her. She’s bossy, has an upper-class British accent and insists on taking me the wrong way on those occasions where I know the traffic patterns better than she does. But she’s reliable — I end up where I want to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I had no idea who / what Siri / Cortana were until this post and I looked them up. I guess I’m behind the times. 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I don’t use either, but some of Cortana’s jokes were cute. My problem is I never remember jokes. Both Siri and Cortana can at least remember their jokes, lame or not! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  16. OMG..I have to try this. I used to use SIRI when I was driving but she suddenly started misunderstanding everything I asked and would start a random FACETIME call and she wouldn’t end the call when I told her to…She’s crazy, I tell ya’. Maybe I should try it with a British accent. :0

    Liked by 1 person

    • How funny, that panic moment when she says “Call Susan?” or something, and you’re like “Nooooooo!” but yours just went for it anyway! Haha. Yes, try with a British accent, bound to be more successful.


      • My SIRI is on drugs. I just checked her out and when I asked her to tell me a joke she phoned Rick’s cell. She did manage to get the time right but when I asked for the date she began a song in my music and when I tried with my very poor British accent she face timed a friend. I think the absolute worst is trying to get map directions and getting a song that I can;t shut off and when I try to tell her to shut off the song she face times a client. Argh!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Well, I only knew about Siri. And yes, we’ve used “him” (I changed it to a male voice) for brief entertainment. My son once asked Siri questions about farts. When he asked “Siri, do you fart?” Siri replied “This is about you, not me.” When asked “Siri, what does a fart sound like?” Siri replied, “Here’s what I found on the web for ‘What does a fart sound like?'” Not very entertaining, so we quickly moved on to other things.

    I particularly like the joke: What did the 0 say to the 8? Brilliant! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh the male voice! I must try the male voice! So who provided that voice then? Someone in the comments section on the interview post I linked to said that once their cat meowed near Siri and she said “Cat”, but then when they tried making a meow sound themselves, Siri said “Sound a cat makes”, she could tell the difference between real or not, pretty good! I wonder if you could try this out with farts?

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I agree. Siri is boring. I have a Google Nexus 5 with Android which has an anonymous british woman who talks back to me (You obnly have a choice of UK or US accents) if I use voice commands. I think it’s fully software generated, though. No actors. I asked it to tell me something funny. It gave me a list of funny websites. Onya Google, That’s just being slack and lazy.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. My kids are constantly asking Siri such pressing questions like, “what are farts made of?” and she normally answers “I can’t answer that.” She’s no fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I like talking to Siri about Skynet, makes me chuckle every time.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I’ve played with the feature a bit on my Galaxy S4, but I just had to ask if she had a name. Apparently, it’s “Galaxy.” Not terribly original. 😉 Her joke was “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.” A bit better than Siri, I think. 😉 But you reign as top comedian with this post!


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